Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
Randomize
