my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
