Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
Randomize
