Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
just throwing this out there: period starts tomorrow sooo either sex tonight or not until tues/weds.
i get a bj anyways so it's really your choice.
k i'll be over in 5.
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
