see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
I hope mine doesn't look like that
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
the liver wants what the liver wants
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
Randomize
