And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
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