that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
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