Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
