you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Randomize
