So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
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