Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
Randomize
