now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
Randomize
