Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
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