My boss' voice literally gives me gas
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Randomize
