You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
Randomize
