do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
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