dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
Randomize
