ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize
