sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
Randomize
