dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize
