You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
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