I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize
