pedialite and red bull = repair kit
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
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