I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
Randomize
