I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
