Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
Use "feeling words"
Yay
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
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