honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
Randomize
