I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
The chlamydia really affected his face.
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
Randomize
