Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
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