YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
What would a frattoo be? Maybe like the Chinese symbol for Keystone Light.
That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
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