o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
Randomize
