i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
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