i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
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