You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
Randomize
