So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
Are my feet made of real feet?
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
Randomize
