For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
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