Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
