Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
Randomize
