well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
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