My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
he puts the penis in happiness.
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Randomize
