You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
Randomize
