with your own penis?
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
Randomize
