Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Randomize
