Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
Never let your siblings swipe right.
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
Randomize
