Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
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