How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
Randomize
