Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
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