Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
