That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
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