Is it possible to be promiscuous but in a classy way?
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
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