Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
Randomize
